Blaglash.com

New York City is a place of learning.  There are certain skills and trades one can learn here that are impossible to learn elsewhere.  Many of these require practice and rigorous training, while some come naturally once one makes the move and buys one  one’s first unlimited metrocard.

1.  Reading Maps:  When I moved to New York I magically learned how to read maps.  It started with the Subway map and progressed to road maps.  Before I moved here, I had difficulties just finding a train station; now trains pose no problems and I can even navigate highways.

2.  Giving Directions:  I can help people find streets and places, using accurate descriptions and directions.  If someone needs me to tell them how to get someplace, I can say www.hopstop.com !!!!

3.  Holding an Umbrella:  People only hold umbrellas in New York.  I had never even seen an umbrella in its natural habitat before I moved here.  Now I use them with ease; folding them in synch with my movements under shelter or through doors and weaving through foot traffic staying almost all dry except for my shoes.

4.  Spending Money:  I have spent a lot of money on things.  In New York people learn that they have to spend a lot of money just to stay alive and be able to take a shower every day.

5.  Checking out Chicks’ Outfits:  If I see a girl wearing cute clothes, I have learned that sly sidelong glances work best to ascertain their origin, or their composition in order to copy them at a later date.  Just yesterday, I saw a girl with a really cute coat on and I looked at it. 

6. Finding a Good Starbucks in Manhattan:  I like the one on spring and lafayette because when I went there last night I found a table right away.  The one in Union Square sucks because the employees are SHIT, along with the one in Barnes in Noble in Union Square, because the employess THERE act like idiots and ask you dumb questions like “what do you think of Barack Obama?”  Also, Starbucks are useful in two ways: They take credit with no minimum limits and they let you use their bathrooms!